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|Monday, November 2nd, 2009|
|my rant read or die
i have questions that can never be answered. why? because there questions that if answered would make the fabric of time die like why the fuck are we here and what the hell are we doing
it pisses me off because i know that back in the old days people had purpose and now we don't have shit we've come to the end of all that can happen
look we all do the same crap over and over for no real reason other then to live in a comfy house and stay alive till we die
think about it? anything else? not really ... small worthless things like love and maybe to reproduce there is no more evolution of our race this is it
the problem with the day and age is we put limits on everything now for the reason of humanity when we have lost that long ago. we need to throw the rest of whats left of it away and push onwards to make our race our existence mean something threw testing of the human soul. body and mind
the reason why we cant do that? people do not like to give up something they are used to, even shackles.
worthless people like that need only be left behind they are another reason why we are at the limit we stopped evolution with ourselves we destroy all abnormality
the only true purpose our nation will ever have is making wars to give ourselves purpose. there is no more reason then that for them the cause is not important only the feeling of purpose the need to destroy something for whatever reason
sure i guess if you believe in the bs of religion then our time here is some kinda test for a better more worthless heavily place full of stuff that can make you happy in a type of way but even if that was true it be the same as here without a reason
if our only existence is to make a better life for the next generation of our kind then i find our race a failure we are the same as animals then and they still have the ability to evolve if the need arises we cant. we should be pushing the limits of everything we can to see what we can truly be and do
if this is all blowing your brain.. well thats because we are what we are no one thinks anymore they find the small box of existence to be enough we need to start thinking outside it
now that everyone thinks I'm crazy
that is all Current Mood: angry
|Monday, October 12th, 2009|
|happy endings? seems they are only a fairy tale
so I'm watching a new anime its only like 26 episodes long so I figured I just watch it all today since it was short and I have nothing to do. seems it went from just a funny little show to drama about everyones problems and how one person help change them or the group helps change them with some comedy throw in.
I wanted to watch this well to be honest it looked like a yaoi manga that was put into a anime its short enough that I think it would fit but so far I don't think theres much gay in it at all it starts out you think they all are but then find out ones a girl and that there only might be 2 couple and you cant even be sure or not. and I'm finding it hard as hell to find the episodes on good sites seems like since theres a hint of gay it all the sites shut it down screaming no homo
well I seem to have gotten off topic. whenever I watch anime or movies its always good to start something happens thats bad or find out is bad and then by the end its all fixed. the bad guy loses, the hero saves dansel in distress, they find true love and its happily ever after.
now I'm sure this is what everyone expects because "thats how its suppose to be" but lets be honest there are no more happy endings in the real world its hell people don't find the one they love or they do and they leave them. the bad guy gets away or with minimal punishment.
for once I would like to see the bad guy win or the hero die just to show that well everything doesn't turn out fine all the time that there is sometimes when bad wins over good. in this time you think that it would be shown a little because everyone seems to be going threw hell but so far no Current Mood: annoyed
|Thursday, October 8th, 2009|
|uh test test? this thing still work?
wow last post 63 weeks ago? lmao over a year well alot has happened ... not really, nothings changed much at all .. well besides half my computer gone now. the damn thing killed itself and i had to recover it and now its half gone so no more music or anything.
while nothing in my normal life has changed i feel my mental state has shifted alot, as I type it feels like I have like 3 people telling me, thats a lie, thats wrong, and many other things it be a lot nicer if it wasn't myself saying these things I kinda wish they had voices of there own it make it a lot easier to tell who's who. but anyway I am repressing my emotions for the fact that I change depending on my mood and its much easier to stay the same this way not healthy I'm sure but who cares anymore
oh yea i changed my icon finally took me like 20 mins to find a new program to change the picture to be small enough since my photoshop was killed in the comp crash.
well its been over a year maybe year and a half and I don't have much to stay still at all lawl
still alone here with nothing better to do then play games all day long to distract my brain from how dang lonely I am and I still find about 90% of the people I meet annoying and useless but I have a name for them now I call them the cancer of the world.
anyways thats all for now i guess Current Mood: none
|Friday, July 25th, 2008|
|looks like they all hate me now x3
as some of you may not know I've been working for this week but its the family business and we do this big event every year and just today everyone seems to be getting snippy at me, guess its cuz they see me as a spoiled brat or something just because my parents don't force me to get a job. now I know for a fact they don't know shit about me all of my problems and that. but oh well let them be pissed I don't give a care if they hate me with all there heart because I know how worthless there lives are, dose it really matter what you do? when you die dose it matter what you did with your life? do you not still die in the end? they say I don't know the meaning of money but yet I save all of my money unlike them who are up to there ass in dept. I get a nice feeling out of them hating me, because I always thought my hate was one sided now I know its gose both ways, I see it in there eyes even now when they stare at me while I am on my laptop typing this very post. maybe there talking about me.
all I'm saying is they think they are smarter and maybe even better then me.. but who cares when you die no matter who you are your ass still becomes grass. its like high school all over x3 hate left and right ^-^ only now I really don't care infact I kind of like it, its all I've ever know
everyone underestimates me and that will be there downfall but why waste it now.
people are so stupid they envy people who have lives worse then there own they only think its better. they joke about how I will never get a job, I'd like to get a job but I don't wanna work as some shithole like Macdonald's or walmart sorry but I have a lil higher standards then that its funny they say that I need a job when they themselves only work for there own parents.. the only job you can't get fired from working for mom n dad dose not count as a real job if you ask me.
and why the hell are they so pissed at me for being the way I am shouldn't they worry about themselves? no of course not then they might see how worthless they really are they have to bitch and moan about other people because they are too scared to look inward and see all the crap there full of I think that was something in the bible bout that remove the log in your eye before removing the spec of sawdust from your brothers eye as if any of my family has ever gone to church lmao don't ask me why I remember all the bible stuff
o well let them hate Current Mood: amused
|Thursday, July 24th, 2008|
|watching deathnote again
god I love it, L, ryuk and light I love them so much, L the most tho hes badass x3
i wish I could be half the freak he is x3
tho I must admit i love ryuk alot too something bout the whole god of death thing x3
and I can't forget the hero of death note light yagami I so gotta find a way to get those badass red eyes x3
I find that I am a mix between light and L while I think L was correct in killing mass people I am treated more like L a freak no one thinks much of. why just today my cousin the stupid dumbass who is only recently got somewhat smart thanks to the wonders of some drug, without it hes pretty much the biggest dumbfuck here, has started to hate me lol, its people like him who really need to die the stupid retards that are barley a cut above trailer trash who think so highly of there worthless lives. he has a step sister that talks alot of trash but guess what? its only behind peoples backs, she has 3 kids and each has its own dad too, kinda glad I was born on the semi intelligent side of the family Current Mood: amused
|Thursday, July 17th, 2008|
|maybe I think about it too much buuut..
What Death Note Character Are You?
Hosted By theOtaku.com: Anime and Fandom
i really like death note and I wish they where real just for the sake of seeing a shinigami. the whole story around Death note intrigues me to no end, I just found a picture of ryuk from the death note movie he looks so real I made him the background on my laptop x3
my other obsession atm is resident evil 4 i never get tired of blowing of peoples faces ^-^
thats all for now Current Mood: bored
|Thursday, July 10th, 2008|
|hell is getting more hellish
I'm to the point I can see myself killing these stupid bastards that I call parents they are so fucking annoying, if only I had the mine launcher from re4 I love that thing fire one of those things and in a few seconds there is nothing left x3 I'm sorry but these are alot of human beings who really need to die and heres how it should be done
thats right head esplodeing
that is all
nya ^-^ Current Mood: pissed off
|Monday, June 30th, 2008|
|don't ask me why I still post
cuz I dunno if anyone reads this anymore, oh well, things are lookin crappy yet again no where to go and parents are just well the norm i guess, mostly being stupid and yellin at me for this or that and me wanting to give them the finger and say go to hell ^-^ the norm.
well seems there is no way out for a while, well there might be one buuuuut I dun think I'm gonna take that unless .. yea. my bf left me lol I saw it coming tho, cici is now in snowies truck, dun get me wrong I'm not mad at him for doing it I think he needs to be out of his house more then me and I wish him all the happiness he can handle with his mate, but ya know I am really jealous of him, being out on the road with the person that you love I may never know how that feels.
well I have a job for 2 more days -,- then its back to whatever I want to do all day. I really love my alone time now when mom n dad are gone to work and I am home alone, no yelling or blaring tv cuz dad can't hear worth crap, just me and the cats in this hell hole I call home.
thats all for now I guess Current Mood: numb
|Saturday, June 21st, 2008|
|call me a monster, call me a angel it dosen't matter
tomorrow, well i guess today is the hellish day when my bro gets married sadly the church didn't catch fire and no one died so its gonna go on. its so stupid I hate crap like this. my dumbass brother is getting married to a girl from a family that like brainwashed by their religion there's people who follow there religion and then theres people who do nothing but follow there religion to the point they scare other people they remind me of like a cult there so tight and like hating people who aren't like them. not like I really give a shit what my bastard brother dose and I have nothing against any religions do what you want believe what you want, whatever makes you happy I was raised christian but I don't think I am lol maybe cuz it was force on my from all sides, maybe there is a God maybe theres not
ether way I'm going to hell lmao
this wedding is so freaking weird its not even funny... well other people who are not in it probably think it is but sadly I am in the horrid thing and I hate it -,- maybe I'll get lucky and die mid way threw x3
on a side note I have a new song I really like its the one I'm listening to now, mindless self indulgence - stupid mf, ^-^ its gotta good beat and my parents hate it thats all I need lol
|Wednesday, June 11th, 2008|
|what to say what to say....
I'm not sure where to start at all x3 the hellish wedding is coming up soon, parents get on me to cut hair n get all perfect for the hellish thing. I think what upsets me the most is that when I get married, if I ever do no ones gonna be throwing me a huge ass wedding like this where everyone comes and is all happy, why? cuz I'm gay and no one in my family is gonna speak to me if I ever tell them I am. so a guy n girl get married everyone is happy a guy n guy get married all hell breaks lose, yet another reason humans are the scum of the earth, they see something different, or something they don't understand and the only first thing they think of is "how the hell do I destroy this abomination?"
onto other things I still dunno if things with me and my new bf, tho hes more like a master lol, are going to work but I guess I'll give it a try, I think he probably only knows maybe half of me but I don't wanna overload him all at once lol. It might be a bad move on my part but o well can't get much worse Current Mood: annoyed
|Friday, June 6th, 2008|
|hmm.. what to do
its getting closer and closer to hell day, meaning my bros wedding, so far no ones spazin but there is still like 2 weeks left for the shit to hit the fan ^-^ I hope stuff happens but I have a feeling it won't sadly. I am planing on doing my job at the wedding as I did at my real job I used to have totally half assed if I don't fall asleep. *sigh* just thinking about all the annoying relatives that are gonna come makes me want to hide somewhere.
well I've meet a nice wuff online, he found me threw some site he seems real nice but I dunno if its gonna work out or not, I'll just wait and see I guess. Current Mood: annoyed
|Friday, May 30th, 2008|
|dull and pointless life
ahh back to the hell on earth I like to call home lol. I do nothing but dream for a better life that be someones sissy pet, a nice place with a mama or dada fur, or somehow performing mass genocide on all man kind. with all this time you think I could use some to try to understand myself a little better but so far nothing I am but a mystery to myself. a monster stuck in its cage where it belongs.
all I do is talk to people on yim, sometimes play video games or read but I mostly just surf the webs. I am normaly in my hot as hell room since the basement is being worked on by strange people they make so much noise it scares the kitties. my room is the only semi safe place I have anymore.
my dreams are simple yet greedy, to have no worries about making choices or whats going to happen the next day. I'd like not to work because well I'm not good at anything and most of all to feel loved.
I have none of this now. I am sorry if I don't seem to think normal but I noticed from a very young age that I am not like the others. Current Mood: numb
|Sunday, May 11th, 2008|
|no work tommarow but still busy
my job has been filled and now I am free from work hell but also income. win some lose some I guess. but I still have stuff to do tomorrow, taking check to bank, gettin glasses fix... and maybe start packing for trip.
also I finished ff7 crisis core *sniff* is friggin beautiful I love it I am playin it again with all my beastyness from the first time I did so now I am like 1337 man x3 I do believe this is the only game, that I know of, where you know the ending before you play the game. I was always wondering how Zack was killed by a mere 3 soldiers, turns out he took on like a whole friggin army before just being finished off by the last three. lol god I hope thats how I die x3
I went to church to get a family picture done, hate those but its the least I can do for mother day I also got mom a book, I'm such a good boy x3 they will be pissed as hell when I miss the wedding tho lmao o well
think think think.. is that all... guess so... how dull and uneventful my life is x3 Current Mood: worried
|Thursday, May 8th, 2008|
|call me crazy but
I'm sorry I don't get how people can do this crap go to work for like 8 hours a day having only like 4 hours to themselves before having to go to bed and do it all over again the next day. Now I know money dosent grow on trees n all that crap, but call me crazy, I cant do this. I really dont want to end up like my dad, he likes his job makes good money, but every moment hes not at work guess whats hes complaining about? work thats all he ever talks about is how this or that is messed up at work. I'd kill myself if thats all I did.
I want more then this, sure its not normal but hell I'm pretty damn abnormal already, I refuse to be a mindless drone that works his life away. I mean my parents have been doing it so long there fine doing it now thats BS how can you say this crap is acceptable.
I need more out of life... I just don't know how to get it without having assloads of money...
I hate it...
I hate this world and how it works
I sometimes wonder if it would have been better to be born into a rich faimly or not to be born at all into this hell...
I guess there is no point in wondering about that since nether is gonna happen
guess I'm just greedy Current Mood: annoyed
|Tuesday, May 6th, 2008|
|holy crap i think I'm in love
its frying out round 80 degrees outside so since my room n my comp room are way to hot to be in I am posting from my laptop in the basement the coldest place in the house. might move stuff down here sometime.
anyways back on topic I got FF7 crisis core and I love it tons, its like they friggin fused FF7 and destiny warriors into one game ^-^ and I love zack alot from his child like attitude to his beastyness in combat. *is unsure if beastyness is a real word or if he just created it...*
if any of you dont know I think FF7 is like da best game evers, you may agree or disagree it dun matter but I really loves could alot but zack is giving him a run for his money now x3
I guess my hobbies did a 360 cuz I used to love gaming alot n then switched to books now thanks to my new psp i have gone back to the gaming side, but I still enjoy a good read now n thens .. I still got many books to reads.
but I don't want to buy anything else till after my trip since this is my last week of work tho I will get paid for 2 weeks, weird pay thingy bout getting paid this week for last weeks work. I will miss the income but not the hell that came with it. *sigh* o well cant be helped it was only a temp job anyways I knew it wouldn't last. All I can do is wait and hope that the secretary quits and I can get the crappy job back -,- but atleast I don't have to wait long till I go on trip so then it wouldn't matter I'd have to quit then anyways this just gives me more time to prepare I guess
o yeas my new glasses came in today now things look better but a lil weird at the same time x3 I'll get used to it soon enough I guess
over n outs Current Mood: bouncy
|Saturday, May 3rd, 2008|
|a great treasure, but it smells bad
well today, after thinking bout it for a while, took in a crap load, and by that I mean a trash bag full, of games to the gaming store and traded them in for a psp tho I was a lil short I got one used, the previous owner must have been a smoker x,x cuz it smells like smoke, I'll get used to it soon tho. I got the god of war game for it, I think I'll get the ff7 game sometime soon toos.
I don't know how to use most of if but I like playin the game lol I'll figure the rest out as I go. ah nothing like god of war game to sooth my blood lust for killing people x3 da graphics are quite amazing to me and like before I must have stoped gaming for too long cuz now it hurts my head again x,x
I really got the psp so I'd have another system to play while on my trip with snowie ^-^ I hope I dont get car sick while I play it in his truck x,x da would be bads
I felt a lil werid after doing this so randomly today but I think I'm ok now. plus soon in like... *dose painfully slow math in head* ... um... 3 n a half hours deathnote will be on yays ^-^
*ponders how to get red eyes like Light* Current Mood: happy
|Thursday, May 1st, 2008|
|thinkin bout trip
I find it hard to not to, its bee like almost 2 years since my last trip and tho it wasn't the greatest it was a wonderful break from my hell. I plan to log alot of what gose on during this trip since I don't know how often I will get to post on LJ
ok its official I have a cold... my mom gave it to me curse her.. now I need to find someone to give it to, I hear the fastest way to get rid of a cold is to give it to someone else. ugh I feel like crap now x,x
I plan to get another book tonight cuz I got another coupon of 20% of a book ^-^ start gathering books up for trip I guess hehe.
o yes. my days at work are numbered now my replacement has been found its good cuz I go on trip sometime soon. I will miss the income tho but now I can sleep in till noon woot! Current Mood: sick
|Monday, April 28th, 2008|
|gonna be a great day
first off I want to say sorry for being so emo in da last post, and my bad if it offend anyone. I was just in one of those moods ya know? ok onto da real post
my subject is sarcastic in case ya didn't notice, my parents have been yellin at me on the answering machine all day lol, for one I don't answer the phone at home cuz no one calls me and if they did it would be on my celly not home phone. I've been sleepin all day not sure why. Tiggycat thinks it might be depression or stress. I feel fine tho, but I can hide emotions pretty good lol maybe its my thyroid acting up again, dunno.
well I'm gonna get off and start thinking of snappy come backs for when my mom starts yellin at me, I'll be honest I'm no good at arguments lol, in jr. high when someone was upset n yelled at me I would just hit them n they would shut up x3 Current Mood: tired
|Sunday, April 27th, 2008|
|2 things that really piss me off
1. when my mom asks me if I would like to do something, and I say no, then she says you have to do it anyways... then why the fuck did you even ask me if I wanted to? why not just Command me to do shit I dun wanna do?
2. saying you have to do something, or you cant do something. it pisses me off alot. I can do what I want and I don't have to do anything I don't. sure there might be downsides but its my friggin choice to do something or not, I could kill someone, the downside is I would most likely go to jail, but its my god dam choice to do so. It's my choice to go to work, if I do i get paid, if I don't I get fired, ether way its still my friggin choice.
well the big problem all came from my mom having to go to jury duty on monday, and she wants me to go to work by myself and be bored as fuck while nothing happens there. and when she asked me if I was gonna go or not, I said no cuz nothing ever happens on mondays, I've been going there for like 4 weeks now NOTHING happens on mondays ever, mom just thinks she so fuckin important and if shit dose not get done the world will implode, and if she honestly thinks that then why in hell did she hire me? I like to think I am lay back person who dose not care what happens cuz the world never stops spinning, we can all die n the world will keep going. but the fact is I am kinda scared to drive long distances on my own anymore, dun ask me where it came from I just do, that and I was commanded to go so obviously I am not gonna do it, if my parents haven't friggin noticed that yet, and they don't notice or pay attention to me at all, they wouldn't do it. They don't notice anything bout me cuz all they ever think of its my fuckin brother.
So all in all I just hate my parents for being the religious assholes they are.
and ya know what I'm gonna take it 1 step farther and go out n say it, there is no God cuz if there was one what in hell did I do to piss him off so fuckin much that he would let me get raped by my older brother, who is now a paster go fuckin figure, when I was like 6 maybe. I didnt know 6 year olds could piss off God when they don't know right n wrong yet.
and if there is a God then I guess he just friggin hates me and is laughin as my life is hell. so if I go to hell I don't see how it can be any worse then how it is here in my own personal hell on earth.
there i said it, love it, hate it who gives a damn Current Mood: angry
|Friday, April 25th, 2008|
|some good happen
Well I woke up today to my cell phone. It was snowie ^-^ he sounded quite happy and cheerful we talked for a while it was very nice. Snowie is the mate of Cici I'd have to look up wha his LJ name is tho.
anyways Snowie is a truck driver n after talkin it over with Cici has decided to let me ride in his truck for a lil vacations da me so do needs. mes a lil worried bout money tho but Snowie isn't
gonna pick me up till May so I still have some time to make money so I dun have to worry bout it for the trip.
I think that I spent too much money on all da books me got so me is gonna cut back on da bookies for a while n maybe splurge after trip, maybe not hehe.
another good note we got new couches in da basement now, now I can sleep in da basement n not worry bout parents wakin me up at like 6 am cuz me sleep upstairs on living room couch. me cant sleep on my bed cuz is too hot upstairs now x.x is ebil.
I gotta go see eye doctor today n get new glasses some stuff startin to look fuzzy hehe should get new glasses soon me hopes.
me took check to bank today n got another book, cuz i had a 25% off coupons so is good only got 1 book too not like 6 x3
das all for nows Current Mood: happy